Fight the self serving norms

I have always, as far back as I can remember, had a strong relationship with nature. I've also had this strong sense of altruism to dedicate my energy to supporting what is here, now, and to preserving what really matters. Humanity is dependent on our connection to nature and yet...

Someone sent me this video recently and THIS is it. This is why I didn't have children. Not because I'm out of the norm, or don't want to be normal, but because I see the bigger picture and until we step up and fix ourselves, we have no right bringing kids into this mess.

If you take up space and have mass, then you matter

Bright flash

Pop

Pop pop pop pop

Midnight in the 'hood

2 shaking pups

Have you noticed an

Inverse

Relationship 

Between sensibility and

Income?

It's not about color, race, religion, gender,

It's about the notion that you can

Make a difference. 

What is the formula to sell you,

No, I'll just give it to you,

What's the formula, so that you realize that you

Make a difference. 

It's time and I don't know how much 

Longer

I can just stand by and watch you

Ruin the world 

Stop

You matter

We all matter

It's just a collection of matter. 

I................... don't

Episode 4 of blind date hell is going to be the last for a while. The main character is going on a 5 week hiatus and has deleted her online dating app.

I'm case you missed it, not only was there no sparks in any of the episodes, but instead pure awkwardness. No, that's not entirely true, episode 3 had some promising moments but in part 2 he made it clear that he wasn't looking for friends and that's about all the vine I was getting. I didn't see any romance popping up, so that was that. 

Is it too late for my family to set me up in an arranged relationship? 

'Hood life, part 1

The thing about living in the 'hood is that the laughter/play screaming of kids is followed by a foul mouthed mother, and I use the word "mother" lightly, yelling in her rasping cigarette stained scratched up voice for the kids to shut the eff up and stop this, don't do that, get out, you are an idiot.

I sit on my back porch and wonder what chance the kids will ever have when they are barked at all day by a trashy person that just so happened to have given birth to them. I send positive vibes in their direction, willing the kids to seek solice in school and become readers and problem solvers that don't just want to spew out a bunch of offspring but want to, if they so desire, raise a kid, bring them up, not down. 

I feel like an old lady sitting back there. I suppose I am. 

It can't be THAT bad...

So, Saturday morning I got a message from a guy, let's call him Lester, on this online dating site that I've signed up for. It's a free site, and beggars can't be choosy, but he seemed like a decent enough guy. My age, mentioned geology and in a text asked me if I knew what a baculite is. Um, yes, ok, this looks promising. His online photos are of him in road bike spandex gear, which is weird, but at least he cares about himself, right? He also listed himself as 6'4" and for a short, wimpy girl I sure am obsessed with height.

We texted a few times and the inevitable, can I have you phone number comes up, so we exchanged numbers and set up a "date" for that evening. I'm really picky about how far I'll drive for anything, so when he suggested a bar within walking distance to my house I was pleasantly surprised.

I called my mother and told her that I was going out with a stranger and that if I didn't call to wish her a Happy Mother's Day that he actually is a serial killer and to send someone to get Fresa.

In the 20 minutes it took me to shower and gussy up I started feeling that sick to your stomach, what am I doing, feeling. Just being a silly old lady, I suppose, so I mustered up the guts and walked down.

Apparently Lester was just finishing up a business meeting, so when I walked up he was sitting with another guy, let's call the friend Carl. I knew that I wasn't attracted to Lester from his photos, but you never know, right? You can't judge a book by it's cover?

I should have judged a book by it's cover.

Well, I sat down on the same side of the booth as Lester and across from Carl, who btw, was much more "my type" than he was, but I digress.

So Lester tells Carl to fill me in on their meeting and Carl starts to drone on and on about starting a company that makes miniature plastic toys for adults. Kind of like train set stuff, but with other themes. WHAT?? What the hell? What grown up wants miniature toys? My eyes started to glaze over and to avoid falling out of the booth I made the mistake of asking my "date" what his role was.

MISTAKE, for Lester began his soliloquy of his interest in WWII airplanes and before you know it he was showing me old airplane pictures on his phone. Describing the paint jobs, who flew them, detailing me on the missions...

In my head I was already scheming on how to get out of there. What the hell. Hi, nice to meet you, now let me talk on and on about shit that NO GIRL would ever care about. Huh, no wonder, right? I suppose the same could be said for me...

As the weirdness of having a 3rd person was becoming more obvious, he says to Carl, hey about that other thing we talked about, I'll take you up on it. So Carl takes out his wallet and gives him 40 bucks. I must have had a inquisitive look because he then proceeds to tell a long drawn out story about loosing his ATM and not having any money for our "date".

His friend left and I went to the other side of the booth and that's when I was fully immersed in hell.

He proceeds to tell me a story of exchanging phone numbers with a girl and her finding his address and just showing up at his house. Yeah, don't think I came right home and reverse searched myself.

The conversation was awkward and creepy and only getting worse. Adding fuel to the flame, the waitress never ever came to the table, not in 40 minutes, so I stretched out my arms, and said, "well, since I'm apparently not getting a drink, I'm going to leave." He sucked back and said, "your leaving???"

"Yes" I said. "Nothing that you've said interests me. Good luck on your project, but I am not interested in it."

Then I left...

Cramped style

So what would happen if you don't have any money when it's time to retire? Do any of you think about that? Isn't there tons of people out there that barely have enough money to get by now, and are swimming in debt? What are they going to do when they get old. I keep thinking that my retirement plan will be to drive my car off a cliff, but the older I get I do care a little less and less about all the worries. I don't want to take too good care of myself, I mean, I can't live too long. I don't have any kids to watch grow up, worry about. Fresa will probably live a good healthy 15 years or so, I'll be 58 or so, eeek.

What's that saying about living forever but pretend today is your last? Do you know anyone that can do that?

I want one of those little tiny houses on a nice piece of land with trees, birds and a line of sight to a body of water.

skip the bracelet

Nothing like trying to put on a bracelet to realize, oh yeah, I live alone. Don't get me wrong, I am so much happier in my current relationship status than most people I know in their current relationship. There are only 2 couples in this whole world that I've met that have a relationship that I respect and value, and ironically, or maybe not so much, neither couple has kids. The others, well, it only takes about 10 minutes of interaction before I think, oh, thank god, I am not in that kind of situation.

On another note, I got my results of the survey the kids took about me. They had a paper copy of a survey that asked questions like, does your teacher care about you, does your teacher have high expectations, etc... Well, 100% of my kids that that I make learning fun. Bam, right there, my goal is met. All of that other school bullshit is just that, bullshit. Another plus is that the kids said that they feel like they are learning, which I suppose is one step towards actually learning, but we know that high school brains are delusional. They may think they're learning, but their exam scores show a different story.

In a reflection the other day, I asked them what they see themselves doing in 27 years, when they are my age. Yes, they will be 42 in 27 years. I am 27 years older than my students... Of course it's an unfair question since I don't know what I'll be doing in 2 years, never mind 27.

For now I'll skip the bracelet, design awesome lessons and take my dog to the park.