Presently Processing the Journey

The offer was accepted, and although that sounds like a flat statement, I'm desperately trying to control my excitement as the process proceeds. Nothing is certain until those keys are transferred.

You know the sayings:
It's not the destination but the journey.
It's not the product but the process.
Live in the present.

Well, when I am in the yard, with the chickens, planting seeds, cleaning up, wandering my space, I feel the process, the journey, the present. Gardening, tending to chickens, yard work, those are my paintings, my creative outlet.

I love teaching, but I am exhausted by competing against the distractions that have infiltrated our lives. Begging, pleading, dancing, entertaining my students to be even remotely interested in what we are doing is soul crushing. I've had great success in getting students excited to learn, and I know there is a place in my future for education, but it is not in the public realm. If you knew the political bullshit and restrictions that we have to navigate, and then show up and love your kids, you'd be more supportive of those teachers that you depend on.

My passion for learning, discovery, creativity is moving forward.

Step 1, for real this time

With a week off of school, terrible snowy weather, and self induced isolation, I've found a farm to purchase. My brain has been imagining my farm life for quite a while, and I've been a bit vocal, but not so vocal that people will gasp at my impulsivity. You see, it doesn't seem impulsive to me, because this has been a imagined heaven on earth. The hesitation is, and has always been, fear. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of criticism.

The last straw came on November 22, 2019. My school had an early release scheduled, well early for students. We, teachers, had meetings in the afternoon, and were anxious and antsy to start Thanksgiving Break, a week off around here. At this 2:00 pm meeting (which seemed a little power trippy to me), my Principal decides to inform us that "our" (who, exactly, I'm not sure) excessive copying has created a budget deficit and if we don't stop, we will have to cut a position.

Um, WHAT?!? First of all, what kind of bullshit world do we live in that teachers are, literally, counting copies? Second, why in the holy hell would a principal decide to tell his staff this ridiculous information THE DAY BEFORE BREAK?

I set off home for a long, well deserved break. I know that I live in a world filled with greed. Amazon seriously paid zero taxes last year? Jeff Bezos is a trillionaire, pays his staff unlivable wages, and doesn't support the local economy where his businesses thrive? Education is deemed a low class job. The people spending all day with your kid is barely making it.

As I approach 50, life feels more important to live.

On top of the economic shit, there is climate. Yes, I agree, that the climate HAS changed over geologic history, and guess what, along with those climactic changes are extinctions. Like big ones, like 90% of living species gone at the end of the Permian. What is so sad and pathetic about what is happening with our current climate situation is that WE KNOW BETTER. We know how we got into this, and we know how to get ourselves out of it.

So there I was, with my self induced isolation, a frigid winter storm, frozen ice sheets for streets - dreaming of my farm.

Then I saw a FB post from a high school peer in NC. He was spreading the news about a farmhouse for sale, and the spark was relit. After some zillow searching, I found a property to explore more. Now I sit in waiting to see if my offer was accepted...