Seeing the bad in good

This is the first time I've heard this existential bummer explanation, and I connect with this idea fully. I am the bummer side. I see a beautiful garden, feel love, notice the good and immediately think about the gone-ness. I see the dark side, the buts in situations. The weather is perfect today. Yeah, but... I do want to hold on tighter, but I also want to run away. I do notice the amazement in the world and then the horror. I do try to keep the thoughts to myself, but sometimes they come rushing out because I can't believe that no one is thinking what I'm thinking. You know how much this little pooch face Fresa means to me and yet I do think about her being gone, the sadness that I will feel. There is this melancholy in feeling love. I am filled with love and yet my heart is heavy from sadness.

The thing is, before watching the video I really felt that I was the only one that feels this. I am usually the only one to voice the other side and it usually causes discomfort. It's not like I wake up every morning deciding the be half empty. Sometimes I think I'm a glass half empty person because I'm ready for this all to be over with. I'm ready for that moment when all is recycled. It sounds dramatic and melancholy, but really, it's just how my brain works.

Many of my students self medicate and apparently in my first period I have three kids that are in a diversion program. I'm not sure, but it sounds like this is a class that kids take when they've been caught using drugs and alcohol multiple times. I don't want my kids to use, but the thing is, I get it. I get why they would want to avoid reality and live in a delusion. One girl told me today that she is smarter, faster and more productive when she's high and I told her, of course you think that, you are high and delusional, your reality isn't real. It just isn't. Real reality can suck bad, even when it's good.