thirty what?

There is no possible way I'm about to turn 39. Seriously. It's not that I don't feel like I've accomplished anything, I just don't know what happened. I don't care about the family things, you know, kids and stuff, I just can't believe that 20 years has passed since I graduated high school. That I became a teacher 9 years ago. I feel better, actually. It is true what they say, that when you get older you don't care what people think. I am still hyper observant, but I can tell that my brain takes a bit longer to process things. My body gets stiff easier and I realize that my sitting still problem is due to my stiff joints. Sit too long in any position and I ain't getting out of it too easily.

The good thing is that I'm really more comfortable in my skin than ever and well, my skin ain't what it used to be.

I tell you one thing that pisses me off... my downright refusal to be careful in the sun when I was younger. Those of you who are under 35 are going to be in shock in a few years and yeah yeah I know you don't think it'll ever happen to you. I know you think you will stay the same way forever, but the fact is, you won't and you, just like me, are too stubborn to listen to anyone older than you.

Lately I've been struggling with being around people that are not in my age group. I know, you are only as old as you feel and all that crap, but really, there is something to be said for having a group of friends that are in the same stage of their lives as you. I brought this idea up to a wise friend in the same age group as me and here's what she had to say...

"...but after a while, the gap of our age and life experiences really kicks in. And after a while I just feel over it, over them, and just old. So I totally get what you are saying and the frustration of wanting to say, really, i know you think it will never happen to you, that you have all the time in the world, that you are different, but sweetie, just-please-fucking-listen-to-me: I KNOW, and I know better.

But they never do."

I don't know how all you parents did it. How you stood by and watched us act like ass holes knowing, knowing that we would look back and say, man I wish I'd listened to that advice back then. It takes a lot of patience and I have to practice it every day as a teacher, but it's different when it's someone really close.

So here, in my 39th year, what are my goals? What do I want to accomplish? It's a lot of stress thinking about the next birthday. What do I want to do BEFORE I'm 40? See there I go wishing away the time again. Patience. There's my mantra for the next 12 months.