It seems my ego is getting a workout. I knew I was strong willed and stubborn, but I didn't realize how much my ego plays into my brainwave patterns. So many what ifs, so many unknowns, uncertainty, am I doing the right thing, what is the right thing.
I had a realization this weekend... I'm 41 and single and live in a foreign country surrounded by no one that really cares, so all I have to do is worry about myself. Day in and day out I only have to think about me. This is off - biologically. I'm supposed to have kids to run after, obsess about, keep me from thinking about myself and since I made the choice to not have kids I have only me.
Most people would say that they are somewhat jealous, that they wish they had more time to think about themselves, that all they do is think of everyone around them. Well, I do feel very grateful for the opportunity of time, but it has become a bit of an unhealthy obsession. I over analyze everything, second guessing all my decisions because I have time to do that. I am debt free, I have no ties, and it may be time to change that.
My first step should be to decide whether I'm staying or going, what should I do? That should be my first step, but because I seem to do everything backwards it appears that I'm getting a puppy first!
I had a realization this weekend... I'm 41 and single and live in a foreign country surrounded by no one that really cares, so all I have to do is worry about myself. Day in and day out I only have to think about me. This is off - biologically. I'm supposed to have kids to run after, obsess about, keep me from thinking about myself and since I made the choice to not have kids I have only me.
Most people would say that they are somewhat jealous, that they wish they had more time to think about themselves, that all they do is think of everyone around them. Well, I do feel very grateful for the opportunity of time, but it has become a bit of an unhealthy obsession. I over analyze everything, second guessing all my decisions because I have time to do that. I am debt free, I have no ties, and it may be time to change that.
My first step should be to decide whether I'm staying or going, what should I do? That should be my first step, but because I seem to do everything backwards it appears that I'm getting a puppy first!
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