I think I've been saved. Well, I sort of think I have. Hum, maybe not. Ok, so remember me telling you that I was going to get the microcurrent treatment? Yes, so I went and well, I haven't followed up on my blog because it was strange. The woman who gives the treatment, let's call her Kay, started chatting to me about Jesus, God and the Holy Ghost. For those of you that know me, you know that I've struggled with my "spirituality" for a while and although I believe in the message of being a good person, I am not sure about this whole bible thing. A few of my friends and I joke and refer to it as the "Book of Fables", because although the stories are quite interesting, are they messages from "God"?
Ok, so back to my original story. So this woman, Kay, and I see each other a few times a week for my treatment and well we talk about this "mission" stuff. I feel comfortable asking her questions and being open about my doubts. I really like Kay. So Kay mentioned that a woman was coming to town to "talk" about the "word of the lord". She is a prophesier and god talks through her. Hum, interesting, in an anthropological sort of way. I brought it up to my mom and said we should go. My dad was out of town and this is not our usual thing, and well I thought, huh, this could be fascinating.
Now I have the images in my head of the holy rollers in West Virginia, praising the lord and giving shout outs to his name. My mom made it clear that she would not be holding any snakes. Honestly, in my head, I was really hoping that I would be pleasently suprised, and the sterotype would not be true.
We show up right on time (it's gentic) and sure enough there is 4 people there. A half hour goes by and my mom enjoys sitting still as much as I do, and a few more people arrive. A overweight, southern couple stand up and sing songs of jesus. They actually had quite nice voices and the tunes remined my mother and I of some Allyson Krause songs. The songs "entertained" us for a bit and then the speaker, let's call her Dolly, calls us (22 in all) up to the front so that she could lead us in prayer. We are holding hands and she is inspired by the lord and asks a young local pastor to lead us in prayer. Lots of praise the lord, amens, and have mercys go by and we are still holding hands. I grew up in Rhode Island and I use that as my "excuse" of why I don't like to touch people. We are not a touchy family, yeah, yeah, I know... Ok, so you see that I am already out of my comfort zone, since my intention of my anthropological investigation was to be an observer only.
The prayer ends, we hug each other and head back to our seats. The singing duet sings 2 different songs twice (yeah, I know, strange) and Dolly begins her "thing". As she introduces herself and her background and inspiration, a man in the back (at this time we didn't know that it was actually her husband) starts speaking in tongues. Yes, you read correctly. Speaking in tongues. Huh, ok, so are the snakes in the fridge?
Dolly gives a speech that kept my interest. An hour goes by, my mom is fidgeting. The other guests are amening, giving shout outs to jesus, and speaking in tongues. Ok, not bad, I'm just sitting back observing.
Then.
Yes, then, Dolly says she is going to start her "ministering". I am thinking, ok, so the formal stuff has stopped and people that want to talk to her can wait in "line" and she can minister to them.
Nope.
Not like that at all. She begins calling people up. Dolly calls a woman up and shouts, praises, gives her some message from god and then the woman falls back, shaking, is caught by the "helpers" and she proceeds to be covered by a blanket and lies on the floor.
Huh.
Ok, then Dolly says that there is someone that has been having back pains. Huh. Just that week I had told Kay that my back was killing me and Kay set me up with a massage therapist to help. Huh. Dolly is asking for the person with back pain to come up and well, I didn't budge, didn't make eye contact with Kay who is now sitting behind me. I'm not moving. Then I notice one of the host of the event walks up and is "healed". Whew, I'm glad she had back pain too.
Dolly goes through some more people and then points at me and says "The woman in the pink shirt". Since 90% of my shirts are pink it wasn't a surprise that she meant me. Crap. I did not sign up for this. Being the good sport that I am (ha ha) I went up there. Aren't anthropologists that immerse themselves the most successful?
I'm up there, staring in Dolly's eyes. I feel the stares of the audience burning in my back. The two "catchers" are behind me. She starts to hear from god. She is shaking and saying to me that "you are a messenger. You are going to minister to people. You have been on lots of journies and you will spread the word. The holy spirit is there and ready to enter your body." This whole time she is looking into my eyes, holding my arm and pushing on my head. Pushing so hard my legs are shaking a bit to keep me from falling over. She starts to sway me back and forth the whole while praising jesus. She asks me if I want to be a messenger and accept the holy spirit and to this I reply "I don't know, it seems like a lot of work". She is wearing a microphone and later my mom tells me that the whole audience can hear my response. Dolly grabs my stomach and pushes harder on my head. She starts speaking in tongues and asks me to let the lord speak through me. Open your mouth and speak in tongues. I am still staring into her eyes. I am trying to open my mind. Ok, I'll be your vessel. I open my mouth and
Yup, nothing. I opened my mouth again and she is shaking me, pushing at me, shouting. Nothing. She asks the audience to stand up and pray for me. The devil is resisting. She leads us in a prayer as the whole room repeats after her. Nothing. I close my eyes, open my mouth, clear my head. Nothing. Then it all just seems kind of funny and I start to imagine my mom sitting out there. My little ole mom. Oh, shit, I start to giggle. Just a bit at first and then I open my eyes. My legs are really shaking now, as the pushing has become more intense. The giggling turns to laughter. Dolly is worked up. I am laughing and she claims: "Lisa has been saved, she is born again!"
Ok, so back to my original story. So this woman, Kay, and I see each other a few times a week for my treatment and well we talk about this "mission" stuff. I feel comfortable asking her questions and being open about my doubts. I really like Kay. So Kay mentioned that a woman was coming to town to "talk" about the "word of the lord". She is a prophesier and god talks through her. Hum, interesting, in an anthropological sort of way. I brought it up to my mom and said we should go. My dad was out of town and this is not our usual thing, and well I thought, huh, this could be fascinating.
Now I have the images in my head of the holy rollers in West Virginia, praising the lord and giving shout outs to his name. My mom made it clear that she would not be holding any snakes. Honestly, in my head, I was really hoping that I would be pleasently suprised, and the sterotype would not be true.
We show up right on time (it's gentic) and sure enough there is 4 people there. A half hour goes by and my mom enjoys sitting still as much as I do, and a few more people arrive. A overweight, southern couple stand up and sing songs of jesus. They actually had quite nice voices and the tunes remined my mother and I of some Allyson Krause songs. The songs "entertained" us for a bit and then the speaker, let's call her Dolly, calls us (22 in all) up to the front so that she could lead us in prayer. We are holding hands and she is inspired by the lord and asks a young local pastor to lead us in prayer. Lots of praise the lord, amens, and have mercys go by and we are still holding hands. I grew up in Rhode Island and I use that as my "excuse" of why I don't like to touch people. We are not a touchy family, yeah, yeah, I know... Ok, so you see that I am already out of my comfort zone, since my intention of my anthropological investigation was to be an observer only.
The prayer ends, we hug each other and head back to our seats. The singing duet sings 2 different songs twice (yeah, I know, strange) and Dolly begins her "thing". As she introduces herself and her background and inspiration, a man in the back (at this time we didn't know that it was actually her husband) starts speaking in tongues. Yes, you read correctly. Speaking in tongues. Huh, ok, so are the snakes in the fridge?
Dolly gives a speech that kept my interest. An hour goes by, my mom is fidgeting. The other guests are amening, giving shout outs to jesus, and speaking in tongues. Ok, not bad, I'm just sitting back observing.
Then.
Yes, then, Dolly says she is going to start her "ministering". I am thinking, ok, so the formal stuff has stopped and people that want to talk to her can wait in "line" and she can minister to them.
Nope.
Not like that at all. She begins calling people up. Dolly calls a woman up and shouts, praises, gives her some message from god and then the woman falls back, shaking, is caught by the "helpers" and she proceeds to be covered by a blanket and lies on the floor.
Huh.
Ok, then Dolly says that there is someone that has been having back pains. Huh. Just that week I had told Kay that my back was killing me and Kay set me up with a massage therapist to help. Huh. Dolly is asking for the person with back pain to come up and well, I didn't budge, didn't make eye contact with Kay who is now sitting behind me. I'm not moving. Then I notice one of the host of the event walks up and is "healed". Whew, I'm glad she had back pain too.
Dolly goes through some more people and then points at me and says "The woman in the pink shirt". Since 90% of my shirts are pink it wasn't a surprise that she meant me. Crap. I did not sign up for this. Being the good sport that I am (ha ha) I went up there. Aren't anthropologists that immerse themselves the most successful?
I'm up there, staring in Dolly's eyes. I feel the stares of the audience burning in my back. The two "catchers" are behind me. She starts to hear from god. She is shaking and saying to me that "you are a messenger. You are going to minister to people. You have been on lots of journies and you will spread the word. The holy spirit is there and ready to enter your body." This whole time she is looking into my eyes, holding my arm and pushing on my head. Pushing so hard my legs are shaking a bit to keep me from falling over. She starts to sway me back and forth the whole while praising jesus. She asks me if I want to be a messenger and accept the holy spirit and to this I reply "I don't know, it seems like a lot of work". She is wearing a microphone and later my mom tells me that the whole audience can hear my response. Dolly grabs my stomach and pushes harder on my head. She starts speaking in tongues and asks me to let the lord speak through me. Open your mouth and speak in tongues. I am still staring into her eyes. I am trying to open my mind. Ok, I'll be your vessel. I open my mouth and
Yup, nothing. I opened my mouth again and she is shaking me, pushing at me, shouting. Nothing. She asks the audience to stand up and pray for me. The devil is resisting. She leads us in a prayer as the whole room repeats after her. Nothing. I close my eyes, open my mouth, clear my head. Nothing. Then it all just seems kind of funny and I start to imagine my mom sitting out there. My little ole mom. Oh, shit, I start to giggle. Just a bit at first and then I open my eyes. My legs are really shaking now, as the pushing has become more intense. The giggling turns to laughter. Dolly is worked up. I am laughing and she claims: "Lisa has been saved, she is born again!"
2 comments:
OK, you have way to much time on your hands .....
:-) I can't believe you guys really went....
Thanks for the Saturday morning laugh, that was great!!...oh how I wish we had friends like you around here ;)
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